Halloween Hijinks
by Emmeebee
Summary: Post-LBD. Lizzie and Charlotte stay home for Halloween while Lydia and Mary go trick or treating, but, despite their asserted maturity as employed and responsible adults, even they can't escape the night's frights. Written for a prompt.


"Well, I'll match your bet and raise you two greens," Charlotte said, pushing the appropriate tokens into the pile resting in between them. She blew a feather out of her eyes. "Did we really have to dress up? We're not even going anywhere."

"I told you, it's to appease Lydia. She lets us stay home, we put on crazy costumes."

"A flapper dress is not that crazy – "

"It was in the '20s."

" – neither is a period dress."

"I'm a damsel in distress!"

"Why does she want us to dress up, anyway?"

"Lydia always has her reasons. I just wish Jane could get time off work to come home too."

"That's growing up, Lizzie. We only got time off because we're technically our own bosses now."

"And isn't that grand? So much for no career prospects."

"Lizzie! Charlotte! We're going now!" Lydia's voice called up the stairs. "Come say bye! Oh, wait, crap, I forgot the basket – you're going to have to carry it, Mary, it'll suit your costume much better than mine."

The girls left the card game and wandered downstairs to find cousin Mary slumped on a lounge wearing black robes, a wand in one hand and Kitty in the other.

"I thought you were going as a Death Eater," Charlotte said, confused.

"We thought the mask might make it too realistic. Lydia says she doesn't want your neighbour complaining again."

"Just a normal witch, then?"

"Mary could never be a normal witch, she is totally too cool for that," Lydia called out from the other room. "She's a _special _witch. With a cat."

"I thought I might be Millicent Bulstrode," Mary explained. "Lydia volunteered Kitty."

"I saw an apartment in the paper you guys might like," Lizzie said. "It's not that close to Darcy and me, but it's only a few streets down from the office and it's right near a bus stop, so you should be fine with travel. Remind me about it when you get back and I'll get the clipping for you."

"Sounds great. Thanks."

A slow dragging sound came from behind them. Turning around, the three girls saw Lydia stumble into the room looking as if she'd lost a fight with an angry lion-bear hybrid. One arm was stretched out in front of her as if to help her find her way while the other was hidden behind her back. Her dress and stockings were ripped and reddened with what appeared to be long-dried blood and her face was a mess of bruises and scratches. "_Braainsss_."

"Looks good," Charlotte said. "Realistic."

"Scary, even," Lizzie agreed.

"Great! Well, we're just going to hit the usual circuit and don't worry, we have our phones – are you sure you don't wanna come?" Lydia handed Mary the basket that she had been hiding from view.

"We're sure," Lizzie said. "We haven't seen each other in ages, it'll be nice just to catch up. We'll make sure we don't drink all your booze."

"You'd better not. I'll take your brains as compensation if you do." Lydia staggered towards her, her arms outstretched in front of her, only halting when she was almost touching her. "Alright, hugs later. I don't want to mess up the makeup. It'd kill the scary."

"Which would be bad."

"Astronomically. Now, fare thee well, my brain-endowed lass."

"And thou, kind…zombie-lady."

"Let's go, Mary, the candy's not going to be there forever!"

"See you," Mary said as she, cat now in basket, followed her cousin out the front door.

"Bye!" Lizzie and Charlotte both called out.

"Back to poker?" Lizzie asked.

"And a scary movie?"

* * *

><p>They had found the characters' decisions as illogical as ever and had laughed the whole way through the movie. There had even been a shared sense of bravado when it ended – <em>they <em>would have been much better prepared than _those guys _and would have handled the situation admirably. The outcome would have been much different and decidedly in their favour. They really should have known better. Less than fifteen minutes after it was over, they were flinching at the smallest of sounds. It probably didn't help that they were both well and truly drunk.

"We are way overreacting," Charlotte slurred.

"We are," Lizzie agreed. "Halloween's just a holiday for people who want candy. Which, by the way, would have been an _excellent _costume idea – one of us could have been Candy and the other Sweet Tooth. Anyway, the point is that it's just a social construct that we indulge in so that we can all let loose and be a little bit bad. It's escapism in holiday form. There's absolutely no reason to be scare…" A slow scraping noise came from the roof. "_Charlotte, what was that?_"

"That could be anything. It could be a possum, or a Lydia who's home early, or a pterodactyl landing, or evil Santa…"

"But it's Halloween! Santa doesn't come until Christmas!"

"Duh," Charlotte said, looking her squarely in the eyes. "That's why it's _evil _Santa."

Lizzie felt her chest tense up and started drumming her fingers against her leg as she looked around the room frantically. "Evil Santa, evil Santa, what would an evil Santa do… _Charlotte, _there's no such thing as _good Santa, _let alone _evil Santa._"

"What _would _an evil Santa do, anyway? Hypothetically."

"Take away all toys or sources of fun? Take away all _fun_? Take our souls in exchange?"

"Maybe he takes away one family's souls per Halloween in exchange for all of the presents his counterpart gives out at Christmas."

The scraping sound echoed through the house once more. "Lizzie, don't you have a fireplace?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Doesn't it have a chimney?"

Lizzie looked at her since-foetuses best friend in horror for a moment before, as the scraping sound occurred again, they both screamed and raced out of the room. "Outside! Now!"

"No! It's on the roof, it could see us and jump down!"

"Fine! Somewhere with a lock, somewhere with a…bathroom?"

"Bathroom." Charlotte nodded seriously.

Both girls started running. There may have been something poetic about dying with your since-foetus best friend, leaving the world with the person you practically entered it with, but in that moment neither young woman was feeling very fond of poetry. Lizzie got there first and practically wrenched open the door before darting inside. Charlotte, however, didn't enter behind her. _"Char?" _No response. Lizzie looked around for something to use as a weapon. Toilet paper? Towel? No… _Perfume! _Unsure of whether it would function like aerosol but figuring that it was better than nothing, she grabbed the bottle and made her way out of the small room.

To run right into a figure in red. _"AAAH!"_

_ "WHOA!"_

Lizzie jumped back and, closing her eyes to protect it from the fumes, started spraying the perfume bottle furiously.

"What – Lizzie, it's me, stop…"

Lizzie cautiously opened her eyes. "Charlotte! Where were you? I thought you were Santa!"

"I can see the resemblance?" Charlotte grabbed her jumpy friend's hand and pulled her back into the bathroom before shutting and locking the door behind them. "I went back to grab the drinks and poker set – this might be a long night – and that old cricket bat your dad stores in the closet. Why did you think making the place smell like strawberry would repel Santa again?"

"I was hoping it would work like aerosol."

"Don't you have hairspray in here somewhere?"

"I'm not sure, I haven't really used this room in ages." Lizzie started searching the cabinets of Lydia's beauty products until she found a half-empty can of hairspray. "Here we go. You're brilliant, Char."

"No, I'm just more practical than you are."

Lizzie glanced over to Charlotte's bounty. "So poker, huh?"

* * *

><p>"Hey, guys, you should <em>totally <em>see how much candy we got!" Lydia called out as she strode through the front door with a tired Kitty in her arms. "I pulled the old your-kids-can-pet-Kitty-if-you-give-us-more trick, and it _so _worked."

Mary ignored her, putting the overflowing basket on the table before collapsing in a chair. "My feet hurt. I haven't walked that much side I started studying off-campus."

"But the candy will make you feel better, am I right? Do you want some water or something?"

"Please."

Lydia went to the kitchen to pour two glasses before returning to them, handing one to her grateful cousin and watching as it was quickly drained. "Whoa, you'd be great at shots."

"Where are they? I thought they'd be here for the candy as soon as we got back."

"Yeah, that is kind of strange. GUYS!"

"LYDIA, GET OUT OF THE HOUSE NOW, THERE'S AN EVIL SANTA ON THE LOOSE, GET OUT WHILE YOU STILL CAN!"

"Is this why I've never seen Lizzie drunk?" Mary asked.

"Did she say _Santa_? Lizzie, what's wrong?"

There was the sound of a sudden banging and then a loud string of curses. Suddenly invigorated, the girls ran towards the source of the noise.

"Lizzie? Charlotte? We're outside the door. Let us in?"

"We can't," Lizzie said dejectedly.

"What do you mean, you can't?"

"Lizzie tried to open it when she realised you weren't leaving and she may have, um, broken the lock."

Lydia sighed. "Okay, we have to unhinge the door."

"Are you sure you should be doing this?" Charlotte asked. "Do you know how? Lizzie…oh, she's passed out. Fat load of help _she _is."

"I've done this before."

"When?"

"…You don't want to know."

"But what about the evil Santa?"

"Charlotte, I'm sorry, but Santa's not real," Mary said.

"Did you watch a horror movie again?"

* * *

><p>Prompt: Character A and Character B are at homeother familiar location while Character C is off trick or treating/taking children trick or treating - while gone character A and B get scared and somehow manage to lock themselves in a closet/elevator/other small room.


End file.
